Hold Me Close
by mistye-dawne
Summary: "My last ultimatum, Toshi: Never let me push you away."


When his birthday rolls around, Aizawa doesn't give it a second thought. Mic invites him out for drinks, same as every year, but when he agrees the voice hero is rendered silent. He thought for sure that Toshinori would have something planned. When asked if he was sure they weren't doing anything the only reply Aizawa had offered was a hard glare. It had been weeks since Toshinori had shown him any sort of affection so he knew there was no way his boyfriend, or whatever they were, was doing something for his birthday.

The day drags by as Toshi can't even be bothered to give Aizawa the time of day. Normally the blond made sure to maintain some semblance of professionalism when they were at school, but today they'd hardly exchanged a word which made teaching together awkward and difficult. Even his class had noticed that something was amiss between the two, though none dared to say anything. By the end of the day, he's really not in the mood to go out with Hizashi but it beats going home to a man that doesn't love him anymore.

"Shouta, what's going on at home?" Mic asks after watching the man down a third beer in the hour they'd been at the bar.

"I don't know, 'Zashi," he slurs then proceeds to drink what would be his fourth beer that had just been set in front of him. The blond signals for the bartender to stop.

"So... what? You're just gonna sit here and drink yourself to oblivion?"

"Aren't you supposed to feel sorry for yourself when the one you love doesn't love you anymore?" Mic raises an eyebrow at the buzzed man and takes away his beer before he can finish it. "Please, just let me be I... I'm not in the mood to argue or really even talk about this," he almost sobs. Mic's never seen Aizawa look so broken before and takes pity on the man, returning his drink and ordering food for the two of them.

"Alright," the blond surrenders, "You don't have to talk, but I am so listen up."

"Dammit Mic-"

"Did he break up with you?" Hizashi interrupts.

"What?!"

"Have you two ended things?"

Aizawa blinks at Hizashi and thinks about everything that's changed between Toshi and him over the last few weeks. The blond had stopped initiating any kind of affection toward Shouta but when _he_ approached Toshi, the man always reciprocated. If he were being honest, he missed the welcome home kisses and the morning hugs from behind as he waited for his coffee to finish brewing.

Those had been the first signs that told him Toshi didn't love him as much anymore.

"He didn't have to," he finally mumbles, causing Mic to pause.

"Care to elaborate?" he prompts.

"Where do I even begin?"

"You've got me all evening, Shouta. Start wherever."

* * *

It's nearly eleven o'clock by the time Aizawa gets home to Toshi and his shared apartment. It's completely dark inside and he wonders if it's okay for him to crawl into bed. He'd had only one more drink after Hizashi had got him talking and had spent the entire commute home thinking about everything his friend had said to him. He hadn't ever asked Toshi why he was always buying him things because he'd never seen a point to asking. He had just thought that the gifts were unnecessary and wanted them to stop so he'd told Toshi to do just that, or he'd be gone.

But after spending the evening with Hizashi, Aizawa realized that giving Toshi an ultimatum wasn't fair. At least without first letting him explain why he felt the need to buy him things. He sighs as he removes his scarf and quietly slips into the bedroom to change without disturbing his partner, only Toshi isn't there. The cloth falls from his hand and the tears spill without warning.

So Toshinori finally figured out that he could do so much better than him. finally wised up and left him. On his birthday of all days. He's unable to keep himself from laughing hysterically as he sinks to his knees. He'd been waiting for this day for weeks now, but he never thought that Toshi was capable of just leaving without saying a word.

Aizawa looks at the precisely made bed, something Toshi did every morning no matter how late he was running, and pictures himself standing at the foot of it watching the blond sleep. Toshi always looked peaceful in his sleep. Whether he promptly passed out after a round of sex or was having a bad dream, Shouta thought that his partner was a marvel to stare at, and on nights when he couldn't sleep he did just that.

He thought about the mornings when there was no school and they stayed in bed for hours just talking and holding one another. He missed that. He missed how close they once were and couldn't stay any longer. With his scarf left on the floor, he leaves the apartment and starts down the street with no real destination. He just needed to be somewhere Toshi wouldn't invade his mind but there was too much that made him think about the lanky and foolish man.

Shortly after he leaves their home and is well down the street, Naomasa pulls up to the building with Toshi sitting in the passenger seat. The hero had gotten a call from his friend during lunch asking for some help going over old case files. Toshi knew that he didn't actually need help but rather just wanted some company for a bit, and having nothing better to do that evening he joined him.

He just didn't think that he was going to be getting home so late and hoped that he didn't wake Aizawa who was likely sleeping. He'd been up almost every night for the last week so he was due to crash. As the blond steps from the car, he only just catches sight of someone under the streetlight rounding the corner and he thinks that it might be his distant boyfriend.

Was he not able to sleep again and decided to go on patrol? Maybe Toshi was just tired and it wasn't Aizawa that he'd seen.

He says a quick farewell to Naomasa, then takes the stairs to their unit two at a time. The place is dark when he opens the door and he quietly walks to the bedroom. The bed is just how he left it this morning and he looks down when he feels something beneath his feet. Aizawa's weapon. When the two of them went out, if he wasn't wearing his weapon, he often wore one of the scarves that Toshi had bought for him, especially in the cooler weather. He crouches down and picks it up. The man he saw walking away from the building wasn't wearing a scarf and he had looked very similar to his boyfriend.

Panic welling up, Toshi shoots out of the apartment and rushes down the street. It'd been minutes since he'd walked inside and had no idea where Aizawa would be headed at this hour without his weapon. He grips the cloth tightly and rounds the same corner in an attempt to catch up. As he walks briskly, he pulls out his phone and dials his partner's number.

No answer.

He tries twice more and after no luck, Toshi pockets the device and starts jogging. He has no idea where he's going, but he's keeping an eye on exactly what he's passing and what direction he's headed. There's no place of significance in the direction he's going, not that Aizawa was the type to give the places they shared memories together any special thought. Again though, there wasn't really anything in the area save for the park.

The park!

It had been where they'd shared their first kiss. Where he'd told Aizawa that he loved him for the first time. Where the dark-haired had suggested that they find a place together.

Confident that was the man's destination, Toshi starts to pick up his pace until he's at a steady run. He's pushing himself a little too much and the cold air isn't helping him to breathe any easier, but he needs to catch up.

* * *

When he finally stops walking, Aizawa takes in his surroundings and scoffs. Of all the places that his feet had to take him, it was the damn park. A gust of wind whips his hair about and he tries to duck his chin into his scarf only to realize that he'd left it at home. This night just keeps getting better.

He crosses his arms and turns to look at the fountain he was standing in front of, remembering that this was the spot he pulled Toshi down by his collar to kiss him after he'd tossed a coin into the water and made a wish. Aizawa had just watched as the blond closed his eyes and whispered something silently before tossing the coin into the water. He had never even asked Toshi what he'd wished for that day and he was suddenly curious to know just what he'd whispered under his breath.

Aizawa turns around to see said man approach him at a steady run, his weapon held tightly against the man's chest. Toshi stops a good twenty feet or so from him, eyes wide with fear. He's not run like that in this state of health and has difficulty catching his breath. He collapses; drops to his knees and begins coughing. Blood spatters onto his partner's scarf.

"Toshi!" Aizawa cries and rushes to kneel beside the blond. He alternates between gently patting his back and rubbing soothing circles. "Slow down, Toshi," he whispers, trying to mask the panic in his voice, "Deep breaths."

When he's caught his breath, Toshi clings to Aizawa and awkwardly buries his face into the shorter man's neck. "Why are you out here?" he croaks out, his throat sore from coughing. "You should be sleeping because you've hardly slept in days, Shouta."

He doesn't know what to say as he wraps his arms around the blond's shoulders. Toshi always slept through the night for the most part, so how did he know that Aizawa hadn't been sleeping at all? Does he answer the question? Does he ask how he knew? His mind is in a whirl so he does he says the one thing that had been on his mind since leaving the bar.

"I'm sorry," he sobs.

"For what?" Toshi asks.

"For not loving you like I should have been. For being so undeserving of you. For giving you such an unfair ultimatum without considering your feelings." There's so much more that he can say but he stops before his voice cracks and pulls Toshi closer to him.

"Shouta-"

"Why, Toshi?! Why did you stop loving me?" he whimpers.

Toshi sits up suddenly, throwing Aizawa onto his back. The smaller man flinches at the glare, afraid of the rare emotion in those blue eyes. "Don't you dare pin this on me, Shouta," he grinds out. Shaking his head. "You told me to stop, so I did."

"I just wanted you to stop with gifts because I never needed nor mentioned wanting any of it," he argues, "But you stopped everything."

"I didn't know what would be crossing the line, Shouta," he admits. "I didn't want to lose you so I..."

"Waited for me to come to you," he finishes. Toshi nods. "I-I still don't understand though."

Toshi helps the smaller man sit up, then holds the man's face between his hands. "Love, my getting those things for you had been one way of me showing you affection," he says gently, wiping away a stray tear from the scar on Aizawa's face.

"Showering me with gifts does _not_ equal affection," he counters.

"When those things are useful and make your life a bit more comfortable, they do," the blond explains. "I never once gave you something that I wasn't sure you'd use."

Aizawa stares into Toshi's eyes, searching for some truth to his words. The gifts had started small, little things that he did use even if they were seasonal items like scarves. He appreciated each one even though it was clear that he had a favorite of the bunch, evident by how worn it had quickly become. Then it evolved into things like a new soy candle or aromatherapy oil to help him relax and focus when he meditated.

When they signed a lease together on a nicer apartment than either of them had, Toshi started to get more extravagant items, like a Keurig machine that only Aizawa used because the blond didn't drink coffee. It had been unnecessary for him to purchase it since he didn't use it, but Aizawa drank more than enough coffee for the both of them that it didn't matter. What had crossed the line was the damn furniture that he had started to purchase without Aizawa's knowledge. He had recognized the names and quality of those items and knew how expensive they were.

While he did make use of everything he'd been given but it still bothered him that Toshi had felt the need to get those things for him. He wasn't vain and didn't need any of it and felt horrible that his partner had felt the need to buy his affection. Not once had he ever gotten anything nice for himself. Rather, Shouta couldn't recall a time when Toshi bought himself anything. No matter what it was, Toshi always made everything about _him_.

There was a word for this that Aizawa couldn't remember for the life of him, but he realizes now exactly what kind of message he'd sent when he'd demanded that Toshi stop with the gifts.

He takes Toshi's wrists and pulls the man's hands away from his face. "I'm sorry, Toshi. I'll never be able to say it enough."

"I don't want to hear you apologize for the rest of our lives though," he says cheerlessly. "I just want to be happy with you, Shouta. I never stopped loving you."

"I'm sorry I'm such an idiot."

Toshi shakes his head and pulls Aizawa into his arms, noting that he'd begun to shiver from the early November chill. "Why did you come all the way out here without your weapon? And a jacket for that matter?" he inquires as he rubs the man's arms to warm him up.

"I just couldn't be at home without you. I thought that you'd finally left me," he confesses. "Where were you this evening?"

"I was keeping Naomasa company while he looked at some old case files. I figured that you'd want to sleep when you got home from school and I didn't want to disturb you."

"I wasn't home," Toshi."

The blond pulls away slightly and blinks at him. "You weren't? Where did you go after school?"

"Hizashi treated me to dinner and drinks for my birthday," he says with a shrug, "He was surprised that you and I weren't doing anything-"

"Shit, I'm so sorry, Shouta," he interrupts.

"It's fine. Given how things have between us-"

"I forgot," he barks. "I don't know how, but it slipped my mind."

Shouta shakes his head and starts to laugh. A full blown belly laugh. "We're ridiculous."

Toshi thinks for a moment and joins in on the laughter. It was nearing midnight so no one would come upon them but if they did, it would be a ridiculous sight indeed. Here they were, sitting in front of a powered down fountain, arguing and feeling sorry for themselves.

"Please let me make it up to you," Toshi whispers against Aizawa's hair. "Please let me do something, even if it's just this once," he goes on to plead.

Aizawa leans up and lightly kisses his boyfriend. "If you'll still have me,"he starts, breath ghosting against Toshi's lips, "I'd like to go home and just hold you until we fall asleep."

Toshi smiles and helps Aizawa to his feet. He starts to remove his jacket, but he's stopped as Aizawa takes his blood spattered weapon and throws it over his shoulders giving him a hard glare. "How about I just hold you close, love?"

"My last ultimatum, Toshi: Never let me push you away,"he says and wraps his arms around Toshi's waist, burying his face into the blond's coat.

The taller man smiles and returns gesture, placing a kiss on Aizawa's head. "I'll never let go again, Shouta."


End file.
